How Netflix Made Me Its Bitch

August 11, 2010

Am I the only person who thinks of their Netflix list as an urgent to-do list?

Spencer will happily let discs languish on our TV center for weeks. He also thinks it’s okay to start watching the entire series of Dead Like Me on instant play and then take a 2 or 3 week hiatus in the middle. This is unacceptable to my mind. I can’t deal with it.

As a child of the 80s, raised by a television, Netflix is pretty much the best thing to come along since the VCR.* Really, I would rank Netflix services somewhere between ambulance services and pizza delivery** in greatness. Netflix means no more late fees (my social anxiety can make returning a tape to a video rental shop totally debilitating), but it also means instant play. In the last two months I have watched the entire series of Kate and Allie, most of Gimmie a Break, and I’m halfway through season 3 of Charles in Charge. I’m slowly reliving my youth without buying a million box sets.

Not to say I don’t still buy box sets. Because there is a lot of crap that I will watch over and over again, and I can’t run the risk of having disappear from my instant play queue. And that brings us to this: A List of Shit I Will Never Get Tired of Watching (A Tribute to Television):

1. Friends. I graduated from high school in 1996, that should be enough of an explanation. If you need more, one word: Pi-Vot! I bought the complete series over a year ago while bedridden with pneumonia and I have never regretted it.

2. Saved By The Bell. If you are currently between the ages of 25 and 35 and you don’t admit to watching this show, you are a liar, and I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.

3. Cheers. I stand by my assertion that the transition from Coach to Woody is the most successful main cast character transition in television history.

4. The Facts of Life. Molly Ringwald got her start on The Facts of Life, and it was a spin off of Diff’rent Strokes – what’s not to love? My favorite episode is from season 8 and is titled “Seven Little Indians” (a play on an Agatha Christie title, Ten Little Indians, also known as And Then There Were None). Even after this show jumped the shark it delivered regularly, the addition of George Clooney’s mullet was just a bonus.

5. Family Ties. I named my cat Alex P. Kitten. I also cried during the last episode of this show because I felt like I was losing part of my family. (Why, yes, I have had years of therapy, thank you for asking.)

6. Perfect Strangers. “Now we are so happy, we do the dance of joy!” (If you just started singing the rest of the song, you’re my hero.)

7. Seasons 1-6 of Gilmore Girls. I blame the Sherman-Palladinos for the failure of the last season of the show. Thanks for ruining something I loved, assholes. “Life’s short, talk fast,” indeed.

8. Square Pegs. Why was there only one season of this show? Jami Gertz’s Muffy was worth watching this show for alone. “I cannot wait, and neither can Guatemala!”

9. Golden Girls. I think everyone identifies with a Golden Girl. I like to think of myself as Dorothy. Spencer will tell you I’m Rose. I will then give Spencer a dirty look.

I feel as though this is, at best, a partial list. Someday, maybe soon, I’ll give you a list of the movies I can watch over and over again. They’re just as amazing. (Hint: all of the Friday the 13th series is on this list, along with the original Parent Trap.***)

Spencer would like you to know that his list would include The Muppet Show and the entire series of Sesame Street excepting the Elmo-heavy episodes. (“Elmo’s World is an abomination.”) Apparently this makes him superior to me.

*I could update this to DVD players or BluRay, but honestly, neither of those were as groundbreaking.
**In Europe you can have ice cream and wine delivered with your pizza. You win this round, Europe.
***If Haley Mills arranges for Lindsay Lohan’s death none of us should be surprised and she should not be punished. Lilo managed to shit all over a beautiful body of work in record time.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah August 12, 2010 at 4:35 am

Your Pi-Vot! comment made me laugh so hard I just woke up the dogs. It’s way better than saying something like “We were on a break!” because EVERYONE would get that and only die-hard fans would get Pi-Vot!. This is why I love you.

PS: The guys that delivered our nursery furniture obviously were not fans because they definitely did not get the reference when I said that to them and almost dropped the crib down the stairs while giving ME odd looks. Hello, you work in the world of furniture delivery and NEVER saw that episode? It’s like sales 101, play it in the store on continuous loop to convince people to pay the $150 delivery fee. Duh!

My husband didn’t get the reference either. Does this mean I need to get divorced?

PPS: What happens when I have to go back to work and can no longer spend my days stalking your blog. Obviously I need to quit my job. I’ll go tell Brent right now :)

Kelly August 19, 2010 at 10:54 am

Let’s get together yeah yeah yeah!

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