May 28, 2013

Day Two of the trip was the most stressful driving I have done in years. It rained, literally, all day, and by the time we pulled into Springfield, Missouri it was snowing. But not before we made a pit stop in Oklahoma where this happened.


Guys, we ran a marathon this past December. Do you even know how many miles I had run without falling when this happened? But I bit it on the asphalt in the parking lot of a gas station in Oklahoma in front of half a dozen people. The closest of which was a half a city block away and kindly shouted to me, “Are you okay?! Do you need help?! That looked awful!” The only response I could muster was a smile over gritted teeth and a double thumbs up because, in all honesty, it hurt so much I was pretty sure I was going to throw up.

I managed not to cry until I got back into my car and realized I was going to have to pick gravel out from under a flap of loose skin on my hand.

Mom?? Why are you over there?
I’m glad you fell. Get me out of this car.

Bonus: This scar is now on the hand opposite the meat paw and I also skinned my elbow and both knees.

Day 2 Lesson: Don’t run on wet, slippery pavement.

Day 2 Most Memorable Billboard: A “Keep In – Keep Out” themed sign for fencing with a bull dog on one side (not the most athletic of dogs, certainly not known for their vertical leap) and a ninja on the other (I assume this was meant to be a basic robber, but it was definitely a ninja). (Apparently Missouri has a big ninja infestation.*)

Deep Thought of the Day: You have to really like yourself to long distance drive. I’ve decided that professional truck drivers have to be either really centered or sociopaths, there’s not a lot of middle ground here. You also have to really like the music in your collection. I have what can, at best, be described as an eclectic music collection.** In any event, there are a lot of things in my collection I should probably be ashamed of. Big Willy Style, four Hillary Duff CDs, two t.A.T.u. albums, and three Tiffany CDs,*** in actuality the only thing I’m really ashamed of owning is Alicia Keys’ Songs in A Minor because I was tricked into buying it by that one song of hers I liked before I starting resented her for tricking me into buying her album. Go to hell, Alicia Keys, go right to hell.

No, seriously. I do not like Alicia Keys.

Okay, Oklahoma, you’re all right.

The other best thing about Oklahoma.
And Sesame Street.

*”Is ninja infestation racist?” “…what are you describing?” I kept having to call him to ask him if he had seen billboards, it’s like he doesn’t even pay attention.
**At worst it could be considered a really clear catalog of my particular brand of mood swings.
***Vodka + Roommate + Amazon = a lot of Tiffany.

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