The DVD Project – Workout DVD Edition

October 9, 2014

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Those are all workout/fitness DVDs – all 38 of them.  Some of them are very old and some of them were purchased within the past 24 months. About 1/3 of them have been in the DVD player once (sorry, Billy Blanks), about 1/3 of them were completed religiously for months at a time (I still love you, Mari Winsor), and the last 1/3… Well, the last 1/3 have maybe been watched? Have maybe never been put in a DVD player? Maybe scare me? (I’m looking at you, most of the P90x series and you, Jillian Michaels).

When I started the beleaguered DVD project (which slowed a lot when we moved but is ongoing, just never written about) I knew that there would come a time when I needed to tackle this arm of the collection.  I had been putting it off – at first we were running a lot and I had very specific cross training planned, then we moved and there was no space for me to work out in, then I was lazy, and then I was busy.  In other words – I had a lot of excuses.

This summer was both wonderful and terrible for fitness.  I managed to start running again, and to get Spencer to start running again.  I also managed to start eating mass quantities of anything I wanted, and having stress induced martinis three times a week instead of one.  (And frequently it wasn’t one martini, it was two. Or it was a mojito made with mint from our garden, +1 for sugar. Or, worse, (or is it better?) a mai tai, +4 for sugar.)  There were work events with wine (which I don’t even like) and high calorie, not filling, protein free appetizers.  (Seriously, meat eaters, enough with the cheese and puff pastry already.)  Do you know what happens when I’m at an event through dinner where the most substantial food I have access to is a kabob skewer with three cherry tomatoes and three chunks of mozzarella?  If I’m not dialing the take out place as I’m leaving the parking lot I am standing in front of the fridge as soon as I get home eating olives and debating between Greek yogurt and a PB&J before crawling into bed.

Now, the food situation is just about 90% under control, but the shortening days have put a real cramp in the running situation during the week.  My city bred husband keeps bringing up bears when I insist we can keep running in the woods with our headlamps.  (Okay, fine.)  The road we live on has been under construction all summer for widening but that didn’t result in a shoulder or a sidewalk, just more space for cars.  While my beloved elliptical helped me drop 80ish pounds, it’s just not working me hard enough to keep the weight off the same way.  So, what better time to reacquaint myself with some old friends and make some new ones?

I’ve been trying to figure out how to attack the pile for about a week now, and Monday night I bit the bullet and did what is probably the most used DVD in the bunch (Winsor Pilates Bun & Thigh).  The order that I tackle these workouts in will be controlled by schedule.  I’m looking to do three DVD workouts a week, on top of my other 7 day a week cardio.  Work day DVDs will most likely be shorter – 30 to 45 minutes, and the longer DVDs 60+ minutes will be saved for the weekends.

Here’s where it gets fun for all of us – I’m going to rate these workouts on a scale of one to five, in 4 categories and write about them here.

Instructor

1 = This instructor is great, if this was a real class I would ask them to get smoothies after!  Actually, I might pause this and get a smoothie – I mean, I’m not even sweaty!

5 = This instructor is fucking terrifying. I am pretty sure they are going to come through the screen and yell at me in person because they can hear what I just called them under my breath.  This person will haunt my nightmares for a week.

Direction

1 = I have spent most of this video sitting on the floor with my head cocked like a Pomeranian trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. Every time I try to actually complete a series of movements I land on the floor.  It was funny the first two times, but I have managed to hit myself in the face twice now and I’m starting to get mad.

5 = I understand what I’m doing so well that I am counting along with the instructor and appear to be annoying the other people in the video.  I am so comfortable with these exercises that I may integrate them into my other workout routines.

Exertion Required/Resulting Fatigue

1 = I won’t even need a shower after this. This is a waste of my time.  Why am I here?  I could be eating a bagel. Wait, maybe I could eat a bagel while I’m doing this?

5 = You know those workouts where you let out a little scream of pain every time you sit to pee for a week afterwards and where walking down stairs becomes a thing you actively debate the necessity of? That’s a 5.  (I mean, what’s so important down there any way?)

Awkwardness

1 = Remember that game of twister you played in college that involved Jello shots, a Candyland board, and tying yourself to a second person? Like that, but sober and without any of the fun.

5 = Yes this is a totally natural thing to do with my body and it makes sense that these movements will help me grow stronger and gain better balance that will assist me in my every day activities of rescuing kittens from burning buildings and penguins from the jowls of hungry seals.

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