In Which I Show I am Not One of the Cool Kids…

November 8, 2012

me:  So, Colorado and Washington – do you think that their obesity numbers will go up?
Alison:  lol - yes
me:  I am genuinely curious about the statistical health analysis that could come from  this
Alison:  i wonder if there will be an increase in things like… memory loss.
me:  I really want to make a fb status about it, but all the hippies will get riled up.
Alison:  lol.
me:  WEED DOESN’T CAUSE LUNG CANCER! WAAAAAHHH  Um, actually, we don’t know if it does because getting people to admit they habitually use an illegal substance is difficult.
Alison:  of course it does! everything causes cancer. people are dumb.
me:  I have chosen my cancer. Diet Coke.
Alison:  ditto. we obvs need GMO labeling for diet coke.
me:  jfc - You know what my only problem with GMO is?
Alison:  that it’s dumb? that butterflies cross pollinate?
me:  patent monopoly - that’s it
Alison:   yeah.
me:  You can’t own the design of corn, yo
Alison:  GOD OWNS IT. OMG.
me:  No Doubt. CAN ANYONE OWN CORN, ALISON? I MEAN, REALLY.
Alison:  a native american? orville reddenbocker?
me:  Ooooo, smooth - Monsanto should be tithing to the tribes.

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