Test Drive the Slide Advancer, Too

I just finished a two-day meeting that felt like a five-day meeting, mostly because 98% of my participation involved sitting on my butt listening to other people speak. (Partly because I’m coming down with something and it hurts to blink.) After 10 years in corporate America, I’ve learned a few tricks about meetings like this one.

1. Always bring a sweater. For some reason conference management thinks that cold rooms = awake audiences. They don’t recognize the human animal’s desire to hibernate when temperatures hit 60 degrees in meeting rooms.*

2. Write down everything everyone says to avoid nodding off. I have been in meetings where I have been totally invested in the topic and struggled to keep my eyes open. The desire to nap is directly related to sitting still for too long. (The same thing happens on long distance drives – if you scan the horizon, moving your eyes regularly back and forth, you’ll find that you feel a lot more alert. You and your insurance company are welcome.)

3. Sit next to someone who doesn’t mind an occasional comment, but who won’t chatter continuously. It’s important to be able to comment on discussions as they pertain to you and your role, but you don’t want someone who’s totally distracting. (I do not believe that lecture format conferences are a time to network or build bridges, you want to sit with your manager or direct coworkers so that you can make note of things you want to discuss in further detail later.)

4. Don’t touch the candy that they put in the middle of the table, but do help yourself to the pitcher of water or, in the morning, the coffee and diet coke. Why do organizers do this? It’s hard enough to maintain a healthy diet while traveling; putting a pile of mini candy bars in front of people is cruel. (At this meeting someone was smart enough to pick up some toys – one of those metal figure puzzles and some mini Play-Doh containers and Silly Putty – this is brilliant. For tactile learners this is a great way to keep engaged.)

It’s not just the audience that could use some work at these functions though, the presenters could use some work, too. Here are five tips to lose your audience:

1. Do something insulting to get them to quiet down. This includes, but is not limited to, snapping fingers, whistling, clapping your hands, or shouting like a 2nd grade teacher. Alternately try this, it requires a one-time explanation but it’s the best I’ve seen: the speaker simply raises their right hand into the air, silently and holds it there. As others notice it they also hold up their arm and become silent, it takes just a couple minutes and doesn’t alienate your audience.

2. Read your slides verbatim. There’s a big movement right now (and not just at the company I work for) to trim the fat on presentations. Slides should be an aid for data presentation** and to engage your audience. (It keeps their eyes moving, and keeps them awake. See what I did there? I’m tyin’ it all together, folks.) One of the reasons that people read their slides is because they don’t know their material or the content they’re presenting. There is no excuse for this. Ideally you should be able to present your content just as dynamically and convincingly without your slides. Not being prepared is unforgivable and if you have a technical malfunction you’re doomed. (And you’ll never get a corner office.) (And we’ll mock you.)

3. Numbers 3 and 4 go hand in hand. Lecture, don’t ask. If you are not actively involving your audience in your presentation by asking questions you can rest assured that a good portion of your audience is not actively engaged in listening. (I prefer some made up questions totally unrelated to the material. It ensures people are listening. I’m kidding. Kind of. Not really.)

4. Let your audience take over your presentation with one off discussions. Discussion and questions are important to a successful presentation. People like to feel involved, people like sharing anecdotes, people also like listening to others’ questions and stories, but you must keep things on track for content and time’s sake. Allow discussion, but bring it back together after a brief tangent. (You can tell it’s getting too long when people start audibly sighing and rolling their eyes so hard their heads rock back.)

5. Talk for more than an hour. I firmly believe that no one person should stand in front of a room speaking for more than 50 minutes at a time. Time breaks and structured discussions or group activities every 50 minutes. Studies have shown that people stop paying attention after 15 to 20 minutes – anything above and beyond 50 is counter-productive. (They’ll also groan when they see your name on the agenda and talk shit about you later, so if nothing else, do it to keep some friends.)

Someday maybe I’ll write about mandatory fun and how it’s anything but, but I’ve had a long day. Did I mention I’m sick? I also rolled out of bed with fright yesterday when my alarm clock whet off and I smacked my face on the nightstand. (If it was the first time it would be excusable, but at least I didn’t knock myself out this time.) I also forgot to lock the room door after breakfast was delivered, and housekeeping walked in as I was getting out of the shower. I’m not sure who was more traumatized.

*This will not change. No matter how much you beg. They’ll also continue to dim the lights for power point presentations that you can see just fine in normal lighting conditions Really, they’re begging for people to nod off. I almost think of it as a resilience test at this point.
**The “presentation” part of this phrase is very important. Your presentation is a show of sorts and while it doesn’t have to be entertaining it does have to be engaging. Slapping an excel spreadsheet into a slide is not engaging; building a gorgeous graph from that data is.